Pausing for Grief

Early this morning a student strangled his girlfriend and then lit himself on fire. They burned together just a quarter mile from my room. The girl was dead before the fire was started , and the boy died later today at the hospital. I first heard of the murder/suicide this evening, in passing. One of my classmates asked me about a death that was caused by a fire in Denison Res. That's where you live, isn't it? When I got home around 8 this evening and my friends and I were talking the same 'fire' came up. Did you hear, about the fire? And the murder? He burned himself, he lit himself on fire.

No one had any details, only bits and pieces of rumors that had been circulating. We are all exchange students from western countries and had only been here in SA for half a semester. We very rairly know exactly what is going on. We asked my Swazi roommate if she new any of the details, and she did. The murder was premeditated, the boyfriend had bought the petrel before hand. Perhaps he stabbed himself before lighting the fire. He had mentioned the plan to a friend who had his spair key, but the friend thought he was joking. Just last year another murder/suicide took place in the same building, but by shooting.

I live in Denison Phase 5, in block C. The boyfriend lived in another 'block' less than a quarter mile from Phase 5. The girl lived in Denison Phase 5, Block E. Perhaps I had spoken to her on my way to class. Maybe I had seen him when I went to do my laundry. The fire trucks and police must have arrived at 4 this morning. I had not slept much last night and was was awake at this time. I was debating going to the computer lab to work, but had decided against it because it is unsafe to be alone when it is dark. How strange it would have been to have come out of my block and see so many emergency vehicles at my residence.

No one esle seems to think that it would have been strange. Infact, no one seemes to mind that such a violent crime was committed this morning. Life has continued with no interuption. That is perhaps the 6th violent crime that I have heard of, in passing, occurring in Pietermaritzburg since my arrival. I do not doubt that many others have occurred as well. I find it odd to live somewhere where the death barely makes one pause, and I wonder if has always been seen as such a non-event. Even though these two persons that are now deceased were fellow students, neighbors, and tragically young; no memorial was made, none of the other residence were informed of thier death, no candle light vigil is being held, no student service being conducted, no address from the faculty or staff, and no word of support from the community.

Perhaps I have been too sheltered, or have lived in a towns that are too small, or maybe I am simply too idealistic; whatever the case, I really like that all of the deaths that I have encountered up to this point have been approached with a sense of reverence. Time was taken to reflect upon the loss. People openly mourned it as a tragidy or at least as a reason for sadness. People stood, at a somber pose at least for a moment, out of respect for the dead and out of the knowledge of their own mortality.

Today I am not sure how to morn the loss of two people that I did not know, in the face of a seemingly calloused society. I feel impetuous grieving when so many others continue living just as before. But I don't know if I can help myself. I really am upset and I don't want to pretend that I am not.